The Lucky Man
by WindFromTheNorth
Summary: -"Now I know what sort of a man I am: I am lucky." Set after "Journey's End". When a journey ends, another begins. Rose Tyler and the half-human Doctor are learning to cope with their unexpected situation in Pete's world. Rated M for future chapters.
1. At the beginning

**Hello!**

**This is yet another fanfic set after "Journey's End". I've read lots of those, and hope this will satisfy your need for some Rose/Human Doctor romance! I've tried to make the characters as authentic as I could (can't stand OOC fics myself), but I have some problems concerning grammar and London slang, so I'm in the need of a beta, preferably from Britain!**

**If somebody reading this is from Norway, would they kindly tell me if I wrote drosje wrong? What's it usually say in Norwegian taxi doors?**

**Oh, and I don't own Doctor Who. The song lyrics are from "First Love" by the Maccabees, so I don't own those either. But the song is BRILLIANT, though!**

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_**Do you want to be alone?**_

_**D'you wanna be alone?**_

_**And are you cool?**_

_**Symmetricool, hypocriticool, analycticool?**_

_**So critical.**_

_**Nothing's perfect and I'm hoping I'll do, do.**_

_**But I will not do.**_

_**'Cause nothing's perfect so I'll have to make do.**_

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They just stood there, hands clasped together, as the Tardis disappeared in front of their eyes for the last time ever. Jackie had, surprisingly, had enough decency to back off a bit, to let the Doctor and the others say their goodbyes. She had her back turned towards them and was calling someone, probably Pete.

Rose turned to look at The Doctor (Doctor II? Half-Doctor? Human Doctor? She didn't know what she was going to call him yet) and found that the Doctor's eyes were still fixed on her, dark and expecting. But expecting what? All this time Rose had taken matters into her own hands to get back to the Doctor, and now that she had found him, she hadn't expected to get in to a situation of making any more decisions. The Doctor had always done them for her. What did he even want to do? Did he really understand that leaving here with her would mean no more freedom, no more travelling, no more excitement? The Doctor would just be.. well, a man. And Rose would just be a woman. Rose felt her spirits lift up a bit, because that idea wasn't all that bad. Her and the Doctor, together. For the rest of their lives, the Doctor had said. But was this really _the_ Doctor?

"Well", she said nervously. "What do you want to do?"

The Doctor thought about that a minute. "I think...well, I want... I want to get some sleep. Next to you, if possible", he added almost inaudibly.

Rose just stared, dumbfounded. It was really weird to hear the Doctor saying something like that. Now that she thinked about it, she had never heard him saying he was tired, or seen him ready to go to bed. Maybe Time Lords didn't usually sleep much? Or not at all?

All these years Rose had fantasized about the Doctor, being with him, knowing all about him, and she suddently realized she hadn't actually known all that much about him. Not even the basics, apparently. The realization was overwhelming, and Rose felt a big lump in her throat as tears started to pour down her cheeks. She tried to turn her head away and buried her face in her hands, feeling ashamed at crying in front of the Doctor on a moment that was supposed to be happy... well, sort of happy, anyway. She didn't want him to see her crying and vulnerable, because wasn't she supposed to be the strong one now? The one who would guide him through his own agony and helplessness in this new world and body.

She closed her eyes when she felt the Doctors' hands wrap around her shoulders from behind. She turned around to lie her face against his chest and let the tears flow free. The Doctor stroked her hair and her back with warm hands. He smelled like fire and smoke, his clothes were dirtied by the smoke from the core of the Dalek ship. Rose suddenly felt really small and lost in his hands, and realized he had been right - it was probably a good idea to get some sleep. The Doctor opened his mouth to say something, but -

"Hey, you two. I called a taxi-zeppelin here. We'll spend the night in Bergen and go home first thing tomorrow." Jackie had returned to the beach. "Oh, Rose, come on. This place should be named Bay of Tears if anything! Now let's get away from here, and NEVER come back! Oh, I'm missing my yacuzzi right now... I hope Bergen has some decent hotels!" She turned around and started walking towards a path that would lead them to an opening where the taxi-zeppelin would be landind.

The Doctor entwined his fingers with Roses' and together they followed Jackie. Rose couldn't help but to turn her head and glance one last time at the place the Tardis had been standing. The sand looked untouched, as if nothing unsusual had ever taken place there. _"I really hope I don't have to come here again", _she thought. The Doctor seemed to have the same thing in mind when he said: "Not a very happy place is it? I've visited happier prison cells."

"I hate this place", said Rose bitterly.

The sound of an approaching zeppelin filled the air. Rose tried to trace the sound back to it's origin, but it was the Doctor who spotted it first. "There", he said and pointed at the sky over the sea. Rose had mistaken the zeppelin for a bird, and was surprised to see how small it was. "How come it keeps such a loud noise, it's so far away and small?" she wondered.

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno, it's your world. Do they usually fly more silently? Well, my guess is that the water makes the sound stronger."

Soon the zeppelin flew over their heads and started to land on the opening ahead. Its colour was deep orange and on its sides read in huge black letters "DROSJE", norwegian for a taxi. It didn't quite land on the opening, but instead remained a few feet above the ground, raising massive dust clouds from the ground. A door on the left side opened and metallic ladders rolled out. A weary-looking old man wearing a neat suit popped his head out. "Any luggage?", he asked with a thin, scratchy voice.

"Nope", Jackie replied and started to climb the ladders, practically pushing the man out of the way. The Doctor let go of Rose's hand and gently placed his hand on her back, pushing her ahead of him. Rose felt a shiver running through her spine. _So is this the way it's going to be? Am I always going to feel as self-conscious around him now? _Rose pondered. The zeppelin was huge inside, like they'd been inside a plane that was reserved only for them. Rose guessed it was a taxi meant for large amounts of passengers, and that it wasn't usually used just to pick up a few passengers. They sat next to each other, Jackie sitting in front of them, with her face towards them. The taxi driver closed the door and stepped into the control room and announced through the microphone: "Lagies and gentleme - gentleman. Our destination is Bergen city central station, and we will arrive there in 47 minutes. Please put on your seat belts."

Rose chuckled at that. "A bit posh, isn't it? He might've just as well said that to us in person."

The zeppelin started to rise up. It became dark inside when the clouds of sand blogged any sunshine from entering the vehicle. Jackie was about to turn on the lights from a button in the arm support, but Rose murmured: "Don't, mum. I think I'm going to sleep for a while." She considered resting her head against the Doctor's shoulder for a moment, but decided it was a bit bold, and rested her head against the window instead.

"Suit yourself, honey, but I've got to call Pete and tell him we're all right", Jackie said. "And also to see if he's had any major accidents with Tony yet. Bet he's a nervous wreck when we get home! I just hope they're still in one piece when we get there!" At that, she dug out her cell phone again and dialed Pete's number. Soon she left her seat to walk to the back of the zeppelin, apparently arguing with Pete about something. Rose found herself alone with the Doctor for the first time. She didn't really know what to think about it. Her head was telling her that this was not the proper Doctor, but her heart felt otherwise. It was still the Doctor she had longed for, the one with kind eyes and great, _great_, hair. And now they actually could have a future together. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? Then why did she feel so hollow inside, like she had just lost something precious and irreplaceable?

The Doctor was sitting carelessly on the seat, with one of his ankles over his other knee. He turned to watch Rose with a smirk on his face. "Blimey, you look terrible."

"Gee, thanks. That's what I was hoping you'd say." Rose answered gloomily.

"No, no, I mean, you look tired. Like you haven't slept in weeks or something," the Doctor corrected quickly.

.

"Well, yeah, I haven't really. Been busy, you know. With... things." _With trying to find you, trying to get to you. To find you, to jump in to your lap, to kiss the hell out of you and tell you how much I love you over, over, over, over and over again. And here I am, sitting next to you, doing none of those things!_

The Doctor suddenly leaned forwards and took her face into his hands. "Oh, Rose. I have hoped for years that things would've gone differently, and now that we're both here, in this place, with endless possibilities.. why do I feel like I can't even touch you without ruining something?" She looked into his eyes and found them full of emotion. "I know this isn't exactly what you wanted", he continued. "I know you feel that I won't do, that I'm not the Doctor you wanted, but I promise I'll prove you I am the real Doctor."

Rose turned her face away, she didn't want to see his eyes sending a silent plea to her. "I'm sorry. I just need a bit time to just be alone.. and think about stuff. And I'm sure you need to, too. With your new body and stuff."

The Doctor leaned back in his chair and nodded. "Okay", he simply stated.

It started to rain outside. The zeppelin flew low enough that the drops of rain hammered against its metal body, and Rose slowly drifted to sleep, unconsciously leaning into the Doctor's shoulder. Even though he was tired he stayed awake and watched out of the window, seeing woods and cities drift underneath them. Every once in a while he buried his face into Rose's hair and inhaled deeply, afraid of the moment the zeppelin would land and Rose would leave him to have some "time alone". _For how long? How long would she need to be alone?_ Human life was so short, like a shooting star watched from the face of the Earth. How long would be wasted of their lives until she would accept the fact that he indeed was the same Doctor she had loved so dearly? What if she never grew to accept him?

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**I hope everybody liked it this far. There will be more chapters coming up as soon as possible. Please leave me reviews, this is my first fanfic! And if you spot bad spelling/grammatic errors, please inform me. I am not a native English speaker.**


	2. Through the Red Door

**I still don't own Doctor Who, unfortunately. The lyrics are from "Sam's town" by The Killers.**

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_**I've got this energy beneath my feet**_

_**Like something underground's gonna come up and carry me,**_

_**I've got this sentimental heart that beats**_

_**But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me now.**_

_*******************************_

A couple of days since they left Bergen and they were already in London. The further away they got from Bergen, the happier Rose seemed to grow. When they had checked in to a hotel in Bergen she didn't really speak much, not to her mother nor to the Doctor. They all went to bed right after they had eaten and washed up, and to the Doctor's dismay he and Rose didn't share a room. Instead the Doctor slept in the next room. When he closed his eyes and concentrated he could hear Rose moving around in her room late in the night. Jackie had taken him shopping for some clothes and essentials in the morning before they checked out of the hotel.

In a ferry from Calais to Dover the Doctor was very surprised when Rose accompanied him to the deck. He was admiring the vast sea opening in front of him as he felt hands warp around his waist and a head pressed against his back. He recognized Rose from the familiar way she was holding him and turned, smiling, to her. She was smiling back at her and the Doctor felt happy for the first time in two days.

"I'm sorry I've practically deserted you. How're you feeling? Adjusting to your new body?" she apologized, still holding her hands around him, with her body pressed tightly to his.

"Oh, I'm just fine, me. I kinda like this, sense of touch has never been better", he replied, happy for the attention she was giving him. "And how are you?"

"Better now. I'm thinking we should discuss what we're going to do when we get to London. Would you.. do you want to.. oh, never mind." She was suddenly blushing and separated herself from the Doctor.

"What?", the Doctor asked curiously.

"Well, since you haven't got a place to stay... would it be weird if you, like, moved in with me?" Rose asked nervously. "You know, just friends, nothing funny.. but if you don't want to, then -- ".

"Of course I want to."

"Oh, okay. Good."

She smiled again. She thought the Doctor looked very handsome in his new black trousers and white shirt, with a brown blazer over it. A few of his upper buttons were undone and she swallowed at the sight of the curves of his collarbone and adam's apple, as well as at the small part of his chest that was showing. She had a sudden urge to pull the Doctor from his collar to her and kiss his neck, feel the pulse his only heart was creating, like she had done on the beach. The Doctor would bury his hand into her hair and moan, let his hands slide over her body, lift her shirt with his hands and let them wander - - -.

"When?"

Rose startled at his question. "W-what?"

"When will I move? Are we going to your place right away or will we be staying with your family? Do you even have a place of your own?"

Rose felt blush creep onto her face again. "Oh, yeah. I've got a place of my own in the city center. I think I'd love to go there right away. We could visit mum, Pete and Tony later."

"Let's do that. I can't wait to see your home." The Doctor said.

"Our home," Rose corrected. "Well, I'll go tell mum. We'll be in England in half an hour. See you here, then". And with that she left the Doctor standing on the deck.

He watched her going, and couldn't keep his eyes from wandering. Since he had obtained this body, it seemed like everywhere he watched there was Rose. Rose sitting on a chair, accidentally brushing her thigh aginst his. Rose playing with her hair. Rose playing with _his_ hair. Rose without her sweater on, with just a small tank top and jeans on her. And in his imagination, sometimes in even fewer clothes_. It must''ve something to do with human hormones,_ he thought. He knew humans were a lot more sex driven than Time Lords, probably because their life was so short and mating necessary to ensure that life would continue even after their death. He hadn't even taken notice about Rose's body before, but now it felt like he could not notice it. _God, it's going to be torture living with her._

******

London. Full of life and energy, millions of people wandering about, living their lives. Doctor watched from a window at the people underneath them hurry up and down the street where Rose lived. They were standing in her building's staircase, Rose was searching for her keys and Docter observed his new surroundings. Her door was red. It read "Tyler" in a brass placard that was screwed into the door. The Doctor felt nervous standing there, behind her, just about to step into his new life that was waiting behind that red door.

Rose finally found her keys and turned them in the lock.

"Well, are you coming or not?" She asked the Doctor, holding the door open in front of him. His expression was stoic and unreadable. Rose felt nervous, like she was doing something wrong, like the Doctor would suddenly just decide he didn't want to spend his life with Rose afterall and leave her standing there. But he didn't. With a step he was in, inside Rose's world.

The door opened to reveal a small hall. The walls were painted creamy white and there was a wooden table on the left. Rose threw her keys into a plate that was on the table, took off her jacked and hung it into a closet on the right. She kept the door open and the Doctor took off his blazer and also he hung it into the closet.

Rose suddenly found herself very close to the Doctor. She lifted her gaze up from the jackets that hung in the closet and found the Doctor's face very close to hers. She also noticed that she hadn't put on the lights when she came in, and now they were standing there in the dark, in the middle of her hall, their bodies almost touching. The Doctor looked into her eyes. Then his eyes wandered from her eyes to her lips. She licked them, nervously. His gaze continued to wander, down her chin to her neck and her shoulders, then to her breasts. His gaze made Rose feel naked, like he was X-raying her. She lifted her right hand, and like before, on the beach, she touched his chest with her hand, to feel his heart pulsate. It was beating felt very quick under her fingers.

Suddenly the Doctor seemed to snap out of it, he quickly lifted his eyes back to Rose's face and Rose was surprised to see a blush rising to his cheeks. He averted her eyes and tried to move past her, but Rose took a grip of his sleeve and turned him back towards her. Then, though she wasn't quite sure how it ended up like that, they were all over each other. Their kiss was passionate, haste even, they panted into each others' mouths. His hands roamed through her hair, to her back and to her waist, just like she had fantasized - she pressed herself against him, wanting to merge into him. The Doctor put his hands on her hips and pressed her even more firmly to him, and suddenly they were on the floor, Rose underneath the Doctor, pinned to the floor by his weight. He broke the kiss and started to explore a trail from her chin to her neck, planting gentle kisses on his way. Rose could feel his hardness brushing against her thigh and gasped.

"Stop, please."

The Doctor stopped immediately. Rose didn't know what made her to ask him to stop, she sure as hell hadn't planned on saying that.

"I'm sorry. I - I - I just.." she stammered, eyes wild as she looked at the Doctor, who was still lying on top of her. The Doctor quickly pulled away, and sat on the floor looking absolutely bewildered.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking", he said, looking even more bewildered. "I wasn't thinking! But how could I not be thinking?! That's what I do! I think!" he sounded almost desperate.

Rose rose up to her feet, starightening her clothes. She turned on the light that felt far too bright to her eyes. The hall was now bathing in yellow light, and Rose couldn't help it; she started to laugh at the sight in front of her. The door to the closet was still open and jackets, shoes and scarfs were all scattered around the hall. In the middle of the messiness sat the Doctor himself, with his hair sticking wildly into every direction, clothes all wrinkled up, wearing a horrified expression on his face. He looked at her, perplexed. Rose laughed even harder at his expression. Then the Doctor started to laugh too, and for a moment it felt like they'd never been apart in the first place.

"Come on, I'll show you the rest of the flat", Rose said and helped him up, with a big smile on her face.

******


	3. Progressing, or maybe not?

**The lyrics are from "The Scientist" by Coldplay. In my opinion that song perfectly reflects the relationship between Rose and the human Doctor. Oh, and I don't own Doctor Who, and obviously I don't own Coldplay either.**

_******************************************************************_

_**I was just guessing at numbers and figures**_

_**Pulling your puzzles apart**_

_**Questions of science, science and progress**_

_**Do not speak as loud as my heart**_

_**And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me**_

_**Oh and I rush to the start**_

_******************************************************************_

Rose's apartment had three bedrooms. It was very large, but Rose explained that Pete also bought houses for profit: this was one of those houses, and was given to Rose. While she showed him around the apartment he didn't really pay attention to what she was saying. He was thinking about what had happened a moment ago. Why had Rose stopped him? How come he had let his feelings take over him in the first place? How was it possible that he wasn't thinking?

When she had showed him around the flat she went to the kitchen and got a bottle of wine from the cupboard, as well as two glasses. She took them to the living room where he had settled himself onto a sofa. "A drink?" she offered and sat right next to him.

"Thanks."

She poured the glasses almost full and handed one of them to the Doctor. He slowly sipped at the drink, while Rose drank almost all of the wine in the glass with one sip.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a bit nervous", she apologized. "This just feels really weird.. showing you around and stuff. And I still don't really know what I should think of you." She eyed him suddenly with a very sharp look, as if he was trying to fool her or something. "I'm still not quite sure that you are _the_ Doctor."

"I am, and yet I'm not," he said. "There's never been another like me. I have his memories, his feelings and I look like him. Sometimes I also have glimpses of Donna's feelings and memories too. I guess I'm also her, in a way. I argued with her in the Tardis and we used similiar phrases and reacted the same way."

"Oh God. Does that mean you're going to start bying hair mags and use make-up, too?" Rose said half-jokingly.

"Only if you want me to." He said and grinned. They both laughed.

"Wouldn't want to ruin the moment, or anything, but I've got to ask this," she hesitated a bit. "What did the other Doctor mean when he said you are full of anger and blood? If you're like him, why did you kill the Daleks, even though he wouldn't have?"

His smile vanished and his eyes darkened. For a moment Rose thought he wasn't even going to answer her, because he was quiet for a long time. Just when she was about to change the subject he answered:

"I was the result of an instantaenious biological meta crisis. I was born in the middle of a battle, minutes away from possible destruction of entire planets, full of adrenaline and anger. As I said, I also absorbed some thoughts from Donna when her DNA combined with the regeneration energy from my - his- severed hand. You could call it mutual interbreeding of thoughts as well as DNA."

"Are you saying that Donna wanted the Daleks dead?" Rose asked.

"Not really, no. But as I said, it was in the middle of a battle. When you know that you're most probably going to die during the next ten minutes your thoughts aren't as rational as they'd usually be. It's easy to wish for someone's death when you're in a state of desperation youself. So I committed genocide against the Daleks, eliminating all possible confrontations with them in the future. On that moment, it felt like a smart thing to do, and it still does. I don't have any regrets."

"But they were living beings! Underneath all that metal, it would've been possible for the Daleks to become more human, if they'd been given a chance! I saw it, when the first Dalek we met absorbed my DNA, it couldn't kill anymore! It progressed!" Rose claimed, horrified by the Doctor's lack of sympathy towards the now dead species.

"You're forgetting, Rose, that Dalek was not the first Dalek I've seen. They basically slaughtered my people, with no remorse. And you saw how it reacted when it realized its feelings had become more human - he wanted to die. They consider human emotions a sickness. There is nothing but hate left of their natural emotions. They wouldn't evolve into anything good, that's for sure. So no, I have no regrets. They deserved what they got." The Doctor explained calmly.

Rose watched him, her eyes growing cold and hard.

"That means you are not the Doctor. The Doctor would've never killed them, and if he had he'd feel remorse and regret. What makes you better than the Daleks? You are just a murderer." She stood up, threw one last loathing look at him and walked out of the door. The Doctor heard her picking up her keys from the table she had left them and soon the front door was opened and then closed, and the Doctor realised he was alone.

*****

Rose felt furious. How could've he just left her in this world that had never been hers, for the second time in her life, on that same hellish beach in Norway, with a vengeful copy of him? Without even a proper goodbye. She had gone so far, jumped from universe to universe trying to find him, risking possible compressions of time doing so. And he had left her again, not even uttering the words she had waited years to hear; the words he had unwillingly left unsaid the first time. But this time he could've said them, he really could've have, but instead he had just said: "Does it really even need to be said?"

Rose remembered about Sarah Jane, how she had once said that some things are worth getting one's heart broken. But had it really been worth it? All the travelling, seeing incredible things and meeting interesting people and aliens, hadn't she just done it for the Doctor? She hadn't really cared what they were doing or where they were going as long as it was just her and the Doctor. If she'd never met him she would've been happy - she'd probably still be living at the Powell estate, happily eating chips, sleeping and getting her heart broken by other guys, more insignificant guys. But it wouldn've been okay, because she'd never have known better.

And now she was supposed to be happy, because wasn't this what she had always wanted, a normal life with the Doctor? Ageing together, planning for the future rather than just jumping right ahead to experience it? But it wasn't okay, because this was not her Doctor, the proper Doctor was still out there, alone. Or even worse, not alone. Had he already found someone else, some other young blonde woman? Another Rose to travel with? How could Rose be happy here with this other Doctor, this meta crisis Doctor, when she could never have all of him? When the part she had truly desired was travelling the space faster than time and light, forgetting about her?

London was darkening, lights had been lit outside the stores and the sky was a shade of deep blue. A few zeppelins slowly glided on the sky, their lights sweeping across the rooftops. Rose had walked for a good half an hour and wasn't exactly sure where she was. She searched for a street sign and spotted one. "New Canendish Street", it said. She was pretty sure it was somewhere near Regent's Park, so all she had to do was to find Marylebone Road to get back to Bloomsbury, where she lived. But did she really want to go back there? To sort out her fight with the other Doctor? But did she really have a choice? She hadn't left him keys to the apartment so he couldn't go out, and there was no food in the house. It wasn't like she had planned to return there, like, ever again.

She stepped onto the road and gestured a by-passing taxi to stop. She couldn't just wander around the city forever, avoiding going back home. She closed her eyes and leaned deeper into the uncomfortable hardness of the taxi seat, and dreaded meeting the Doctor.

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**The next time I'll get to update is on 27.1, because I'm in Egypt next week :) please review!**


	4. Mother knows best

**I'm really sorry it has taken me some time to update, I had a serious writer's block but now I'm back and know what I'm going to do with this story :) I don't own Doctor Who and the song lyrics are translated by me from a song called "Maamo" by Värttinä. Please R&R!**

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**When my mind is blue**

**I think of the house of my mother's**

**The days I've left behind**

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Rose opened the door to her apartment, not sure what she was feeling anymore. Should she apologize? Act as if nothing had happened? Keep on scolding him?

The lights in the hallway were off, and as she walked to the living room she noticed it was empty and dark as well. Two glasses of wine were still on the table, one of them nearly full and the other one emptied. Quickly, she walked to the three doors that led to the bedrooms, but the Doctor was nowhere to be seen. Nor was his stuff.

Her heart was beating very fast now. _Where the hell is the Doctor?_ A hundred things that could've happened raced through her mind: he could've just left to find a life of his own, some weird ugly aliens could've kidnapped him, he could've gone out to look for her and gotten lost, he could've gone to Jackie's and Pete's - -.

She tried to pull out her cell phone from her pocket, only to find it wasn't there. She noticed it on a shelve and rushed to it. _4 unanswered calls_, she read from the screen. A list of Jackie, Jackie, Pete and Jackie once again. She chose her mum's number and waited until the familiar voice answered from the other end of the line: "_About time, honey! Don't worry, he's here."_

"Mum! Why the hell is he at your place!?" Rose exclaimed loudly.

"_We just happened to come by to give you a ride to meet Tony and found him alone in there. And there was no food in your apartment! What were you going to do now that you've had him, starve him to death?"_ Jackie nagged.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to come back, and I sure as hell didn't expect to be bringing visitors with me!" Rose replied, angry at her mom's meddling. "I'm coming there," she decided.

"_Good."_

And Rose found herself from the street, waving yet again for a taxi to stop.

*********

The Tyler Mansion was a large, well-kept building made of white stone, outskirts of the city. It looked very much like the last one, which was a bit strange considering Pete had wanted to move into this one to "avoid bad memories". Even the inside was similiar to the badly ravaged old mansion of his, with its arched staircases and bright big rooms.

A line of tamed roses edged the way to the front door (or facade door, as Pete liked to call it) and Rose followed that line, enjoying the quiet gurgle of the garden fountain. She looked up, admiring the house, wondering is the Doctor was behind one of the windows. Probably not, though, as he probably wouldn't be sitting in the dark. The only lights in the front of the house were in the hallway Rose was about to enter. She tried the door's iron handle and was surprised to find it gave in. Jackie had tried to convince her husband that it was meaningless to lock the door, as their security service was so good, and as the burglars would easily get in anyway from the huge windows that surrounded the house, but Pete insisted they kept the doors locked for "insurance reasons".

Pete liked to talk like that, and Rose found it funny. When she had met her father in the past, he had had the air of of a good-for-nothing around him, and even though this man wasn't technically her father, it was clear that once he had made it in the big world, the good-for-nothing had adjusted to his new life by acting grand, the way he thought men at his position should act like. She sometimes wondered about the Jackie that had died in this world - had her unkind behaviour been the consequence of a rich life? Was her mother turning into that kind of a woman as well? A woman who'd scream at a help girl who had just tried to encourage her, a woman who'd pretend she's something she's not? Yes, it was probably true Jackie already possessed some of the qualities her dead duplicate had shown.

Rose took off her jacket and threw in on a chair by the door. Her mother appeared from the lounge and gave her a hug.

"Rose, don't you just look terrible!", she analysed, keeping her an armlength away.

"Thanks, I get that a lot," Rose replied bleakly.

"Honestly, honey, you'd have had plenty of time to at least take a shower! Are you actually trying to get rid of the Doctor, showing up looking older than me! Not that I look old, mind you, Peter Waller just told me he thought I was thirty when we met!" Jackie gestured Rose to follow her through the lounge into the kitchen.

Rose stopped by a massive golden mirror that hung on a wall. Her mother had been right about her looks. She absent-mindedly stroked her hair that looked dirty, flat and had grown out of its cut a long time ago. Her skin looked dry and grayish, the result of spending far too much time indoors in shady laboratories. Her lips were chapped and she noticed for the first time that her lips looked like they belonged to someone else: her mouth was a bitter mouth, it belonged to someone who had endured great loss during her life. Not to the girl who was famous for her beautiful smile. And Rose realised that she no longer was that girl, hadn't been in years.

The worst of the lot were her eyes: she wore no make-up and the skin under her eyes was dark, almost blueish. Her eyes looked feverish and tired, and were somehow deeper in her skinny face than she had remembered. _I really do look awful_, she thought, suddenly ashamed of herself. She quickly hurried after her mom, who was already arranging sandwiches on a plate and pouring hot chocolate into a cup.

Rose sat down onto one of the bar stools that were seated around a kitchen islet. The kitchen was very large, built to please the several cooks and waiters that worked there during holidays and parties. Not one, not two, but four huge gray fridges dominated the kitchen. It it wasn't for the warm tile walls and wooden furniture the kitchen would've been very unwelcoming and cold. Big bright pillows made the stools soft to sit on and same bright colours were repeated in various paintings on the walls, most of them portraying food and people dressed up in old fashioned dinner garments, enjoying a brunch or a family dinner.

"What do you think I should do with the Doctor?" Rose heard her voice ask her mother, although she was fairly sure she had merely been playing with the idea of asking her. It was too late to take the question back, and to her surprise she was anxiously waiting for her answer, waiting for a good advice or anything, anything at all that could help her.

Jackie was quiet for a while, a state in which she was rarely in, until she finally replied: "Wasn't this what you wanted all along? For you and him to be together again, I mean?"

"It's not that simple, mum..." Rose said, and when she heard her own voice say it out loud, it felt feeble and stupid, because in reality it _was_ that simple. If the other Doctor ("when had she started to call _him_ the _other_?" she wondered) who had left her there had stayed, and this human-Doctor would've left it wouldn't have made no sense. Rose would've withered and died, and the Doctor would've stayed eternally young, the unfairness of it poisoning her mind with sour unhappiness of her state.

When Rose had been younger she hadn't thought about it, had thought the time would never run out on their part, but now, at twenty-five, she couldn't help but to think that the Doctor hadn't aged a single day in the almost five years they had been apart, whereas she had grown into a woman she barely recognized in the mirror.

Jackie looked at her, without a trace of a smile. "You forget that I've been there. Me and Pete, it wasn't that easy." Rose noticed for the first time in her life that her mum actually looked tired herself. She was wearing a old pink bathrobe that reminded Rose of their Powell estate days, her hair was messily tied into a ponytail and some mascara had smeared under her eyes.

"How can you accept someone you have seen die in front of your very eyes? You should consider yourself lucky - at least you and the Doctor share the same memories, have the same experiences. Pete and me... we don't have that. We're just two middle-aged widowers who have found happiness in each other, but secretly long for our dead spouses. I want to see your father in Pete, but the truth is it's the memories and experiences that make us who we are, not our physical appearance."

Rose looked down into her cup of hot chocolate and didn't know what to say. The idea of her mum and Pete having problems had never even crossed her mind. Their meeting had seemed like a gift from heaven, a new opportunity to start over. Was that how others saw her and the Doctor? As an opportunity that would be foolish to waste?

She suddenly realised that even she had made a difference between Pete and her dad all along, even though she had never really known her father, and shared only one memory of him: his death. Pete didn't remember her birth and the first year of her life, because he hadn't been there. He had been in this world, and decided with the other Jackie not to have children. How did her mother feel? She had to share her life with a man that possessed none of the memories her mum and her dad had had - years worth of memories.

"Well enough of that. What I mean to say is, that even though living with the Doctor wouldn't be the same as before, it's still the Doctor, isn't it? The guy you used to hopp the starts with and stuff. And the best thing is that he still remembers it all," Jackie sounded more happy now. "So my advice is to give it a shot! What can you possibly lose?"

_My heart_, Rose thought but decided not to say it out loud. "Where is he?" she asked instead.

"Upstairs, third room on the right, not counting the bathroom."

"Okay, I might pop by the bath first, do you have anything I could wear in here?" Rose asked.

Her mother smiled. "You left tons of clothes in here when you last visited. And there's make up in my dressing room, I strongly suggest you used some." She was back to her own rude self. But Rose realised something when she walked up the stairs. Her mum was never going to turn into the Jackie who had died in this world: her memories of having Rose and now Tony had shaped her, like Pete's memories has shaped him and like her dad's memories had made him the man he had been. And like Rose's and the Doctor's had shaped them and defined them in a way nothing else could've.

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**More to come soon ^^**


	5. Unexpected

**Hello, and thanks for the reviews :) it's a great motivation to start writing a new chapter, when the first thing you read in the morning is a bunch of positive reviews! **

**Anyway, I don't own Doctor Who and I don't own the two songs I used: Reasons to sing by The Crash and Kello 18:00 by Maj Karma (translated by me, the lyrics just fit so well!)**

_**********************************_

_**You traced me, took me by surprise**_

_**Amazed me on a lonely night**_

_**I'll say no more**_

_**'Cause I got you on a pony ride**_

_**I got you into my only life**_

_**Say no more**_

_**I've got reasons to sing**_

_**We've got reasons to sing**_

_***********************************_

_**I feel you, as if a new heart**_

_**Another heart**_

_**Has grown into my chest next to mine**_

_***********************************_

The Doctor was lying in a bed at the Tyler Mansion, studying a beauty magazine he had found from a drawer of his nightstand. He absent-mindedly wondered why he was suddenly so interested in "How to blow-dry your hair the right way", when there was a faint knock on the door. He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was past past 12.30 a.m. His guess was it was Rose who had come to talk to him. He got up from the bed and went to open the door. To his surprise there was nobody.

"Hi," a voice said in the darkness.

The Doctor looked for the source of the sound and looked down.

"Oh...hi," he said, now even more surprised.

A boy of approximately four years looked up at him. He was in his pajamas and carried a white bunny rabbit in his one hand, the thumb of his other hand in his mouth.

"Hi," the Doctor repeated, the fact that this was probably either Tony, Rose's little brother, or some weird alien disguised, dawning to him. He reached for his sonic screwdriver, but remembered that he had left it to his other self. Instead he went on to his knees in front of the boy and examined his eyes closely. Yep, definetely Rose's eyes. So this was probably Tony, or a _very_ good disguise.

"It's a bit late for little boys to be up, ain't it?" he asked the boy, smiling merrily.

"_Isn't it"_, the boy corrected him sternly.

"Well, yeah, sorry about that, English was never my best language..." the Doctor repeated, with curiosity. "What brings me this honor?"

"I want a fairytale," the boy said.

"You want to _hear_ a fairytale," the Doctor corrected him.

"Whatever..." the boy muttered and looked down. "Are you the Doctor?" he asked him then, and looked up with big, evaluating eyes, parting his thumb from his mouth.

"Why, yes I am, how nice of you to recognize me!" the Doctor exclaimed happily.

"Then you can read me "The stories of Aisopos"," the boy said and turned to lead him by the hand to a room on the other side of the hallway. The Doctor sighed and glanced over to his magazine. _Well, no can do. Guess I'll have to wait for blow-dry tips a little longer._ And with that he went after the boy, getting ready for some mind-blowing storytelling. But without Aisopos.

**********************************

Rose stood in front of a mirror and added some mascara on to her eyes. She felt a little stupid doing it, it was so late and the most probable thing the mascara would help her to do was probably to cry a bit more dramatically as the mascara would bleed from her eyes like ink. But out of sheer nervousness she added some more of it, and put on a little eye shadow as well. After she was finished, she didn't look half as tired as she had before: washing the hair had done wonders as well. She put on some fresh clothes she had found from her room, glanced at her watch, and wondered if the Doctor would be sleeping already. _Then I'll just have to wake him up_, she thought determinately, even though she didn't quite dare finish the thought of what would end up happening after that.

She opened the door of the bath room to the dark hallway. The bathroom was right at the end of the stairs, and on the boths sides were several doors. Her room was the furthest away from the stairs, at the end of the hallway to the left, quite close to the Doctor's. On her right were Tony's room, close to the master bedroom of her mom's and Pete's.

Tony's door was slightly open and a slice of light crept to the hallway through the crack. _He must have trouble sleeping alone, again, _Rose thought. Tony sometimes woke up in the middle of the night and turned on the lights to sleep better, and sometimes couldn't go to sleep for hours even with the lights on.

She moved closer to the door and listened. Yes, it was definetely quiet, so Tony must've fallen asleep again. Just when she was about to open the door to go in and turn off the lights, the lights turned themselves off, or at least so it seemed to her when she stood in the darkness, with her hand still on the door handle. She heard someone moving inside the room.

"Pete?" she whispered into the darkness, careful not to wake up Tony.

"No, it's me" she head a familiar voice whisper into her ear, but was startled by the sudden closeness of the voice anyway.

"Doctor! What are you doing in Tony's room?" she hissed and pulled him to the hallway, closing the door behind them. She couldn't see his face properly, but guessed that a look of defendance was on his face, while a hand would rise up to rub his hair, a gesture he often did when he felt embarrassed about something.

"Well, I just met him a while ago. Nice chap. Very... Tyler-ish," he added. "He wanted me to read a fairytale to him."

"Was that what you were doing?" Rose asked, having difficulty picturing him reading a fairytale to an excited four-year-old.

"Not really. He fell asleep before I could decide what I wanted to read to him," the Doctor said, sounding embarrassed and a bit hurt.

"Oh", Rose said, not sure how she should comment. "I actually came to find you", she said then. "But it feels stupid to be having a conversation here in the hallway, without lights." She hesitated a bit before taking the Doctor's hand into hers and pulling him behind her. The hand felt familiar and for a moment it felt like all the years had vanished between them. It was just her and the Doctor. No Tardis, though.

She led the Doctor to her room, silently cursing herself for not cleaning up earlier. The Doctor didn't seem to mind the mess, but immediately sat on her bed, pushing all the extra stuff on the bed to the floor. Rose stared. The Doctor smiled at her, utterly unaware that his gesture might've been a tad inappropriate.

"You were saying?" he asked.

Rose didn't really know where to start. It had been one thing to discuss this with her mum than with the Doctor himself. She felt his sharp eyes examine her and a sudden urge to say something, to do something took over. The thing she did wasn't exactly the best way to open up a conversation, but certainly felt appropriate at the time.

She walked over to him, saw the question in his eyes, but before he got to open up his mouth to ask, she pressed her lips to his and hungrily, almost harshly pushed him down on to the bed. The Doctor closed his eyes and Rose felt him give into her kiss, burying his hands to her hair once more. Rose stroked his cheeks and his neck, desperate to feel that it was really _him_, her own Doctor. There was a hard stubble on his chin, that Rose was sure hadn't been there before. In a way it was really funny, to imagine the Doctor would grow a beard! Rose started to giggle and the Doctor opened his eyes.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

" You", Rose said and kissed him again, gently now, savouring the moment. There was no need to explain, to talk at all, and she knew he felt the same way. The Doctor smiled and pulled her next to him, kissing her face; the tip of her nose, her eyelids and her forehead. He felt her heart beat against his chest and a thought entered his mind: _why would I miss my old heart when I already have two of them?_

***************************************

**To be continued, and no, they didn't have sex, I'm saving that for later ;)**


	6. 100

**Thank you Imperfectangel for shaking me up and making me write some more! I know it's been almost a year and I apologise.**

**For my defence I've had a busy year! I've gone through one break-up and started seeing another great guy. Then I stayed in Scotland for a month, then worked intensely throughout the summer and in the fall went travelling in Asia for over four months with my boyfriend. I've only just arrived back home, and being in the middle of jobs have a lot of free time for at least a week or so, and writing fanfiction is gonna be a great way of filling my empty schedule :) on top of that i re-watched season 1 and 2 of a few days ago and got my inspiration back.**

**Hope I won't dissappoint you!**

**The lurics are by Azure Ray and the song is called "November" - I know I used a bit too much of the lyrics (I don't even know if people usually read the song words but I hope so!) but the words just describe so well the way I think the Doctor is feeling after leaving Rose to Pete's world with his other self. I just couldn't pick which part of the lyrics I wanted to present so I put almost all of the lyrics here - if you have acces to the song I warmly recommend listening to it. First of all it's a great "after break-up" -song but it's also guaranteed to make you in the mood to understand the pain of losing someone you love!**

**Oh, and I don't own either :)**

* * *

_**So I'm waiting for this test to end**_

_**So these lighter days can soon begin**_

_**I'll be alone but maybe more carefree**_

_**Like a kite that floats so effortlessly**_

_**I was afraid to be alone**_

_**Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be**_

_**All the faces none the same**_

_**How can there be so many personalities**_

_**So many lifeless empty hands**_

_**So many hearts in great demand**_

_**And now my sorrow seems so far away**_

_**Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain**_

_**But I turn them off and tuck them away till these rainy days that make them stay**_

_**And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs**_

_**And the words still ring, once here now gone**_

_**And they echo through my head everyday**_

_**And I dont think they'll ever go away**_

_**Just like thinking of your childhood home**_

_**But we can't go back were on our own**_

_**So we're speeding towards that time of year**_

_**To the day that marks that you're not here**_

_**And I think I'll want to be alone**_

_**So please understand if I don't answer the phone**_

_**I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls**_

_**Until I can see nothing at all**_

_**Only particles some fast some slow**_

_**All I can see is all I know**_

_**But I'm about to give this one more shot**_

_**And find it in myself**_

_**I'll find it in myself**_

* * *

His mind was working so fast, solving problems, counting probabilities, measuring distances, thinking thinking thinking, always thinking. And those thoughts he could not escape_. (Ros- - - -)_, no, he needed to solve things, puzzles. The worlds around him, it was his job to keep them in check.

The Doctor was listening to the humming of the Tardis. When he closed his eyes (_Rose Tyler, I love you.)_, it felt soothing and safe: older than the time itself, always whispering possibilities and adventures yet uncharted. Whispering of people he had yet to meet, places he had yet to visit. Tears and smiles he was to witness. All the happiness and the pain all around, throughout the ages.

A long time ago, he had been afraid of travelling on his own, to carry all the weight of the world on his shoulders. But now, in his mind, all those people he was to meet felt like burden. Oh, how he already dreaded being involved with the constant drama, domestic problems and relationships humans encircled their lives with. He pressed his face into his hands and rubbed his temples. He felt so old sometimes. After all, not even a Time Lord's body or mind was meant for this kind of constant travelling and adventuring. Before the war, when his civilisation was still blooming, his people had a lot of other things to do than travelling around the galaxies meddling with things. And to be honest, if his people had, it probably would have caused more disturbance and problems than good. After all, everyone had their own opinions on what was a good solution to a problem, and not all of the Time Lords had been as good-natured as he was. When had he taken the future and the past of the worlds on his shoulders? He couldn't even remember.

He opened his eyes. The control room of the Tardis looked just as it had looked always. It didn't bear any physical marks of the emotional turmoil he was in, yet he could feel that the Tardis _knew_, had always been aware of his emotions when they were out of control. The Tardis still bore invisible marks of every passenger she had ever carried. When he inhaled he could almost taste her - her smell (_Rose Tyler, I love you.)_, always having lingered there, even after all this time, was now even stronger, almost as strong as it had been when she had been travelling with him. And yet it had changed a bit, which upset him for some reason. A new perfume or a deodorant she was using, perhaps. It reminded him painfully that Rose had changed during their time apart and would continue changing. Time was irrelevant to the Doctor in a sense that he and the Tardis were timeless. There was no "present" in their life, just the present of the chain of events they were following or the present of their companion. One leap into the future would already mean that in that present time Rose in the other world was dead - whereas a trip to the past would mean he could go watch her from a distance, playing as a kid on the estate or as a nervous teenager on her first date. Or even the way she was when they had first met: walking around the estate with the 9th Doctor, enquiring about the attack of the plastic dummies. But would he ever dare do that? He didn't know.

Maybe it was better just being alone.

He was thinking of his human self - that lucky, lucky man. What piece of his consciousness was in that man? Why did he himself need to lean his face to the cold surface of a Tardis pillar, trying to push thoughts and memories out of his head, while this other Doctor was living the only adventure he could never have with the only woman he would ever desire. The Doctor also remembered with a painful stab in his chest that in Pete's world time ran faster. While he was sitting here pitying himself the other Doctor might've already be married to Rose - depending on how fast they were to move in their relationship now that he had come out in the open with his feelings. How long before they

Hazy images of never experienced passions and moments of bliss danced behind his eyelids. Rose's parted lips. Her eyes that softened when looking at him. Her soft, smooth skin underneath fingers (_his fingers_) that ran along her spine and touched her every curve, every atom. Her tousled hair. His name on her lips.

And there it was. The "If".

What if he had told her all those years ago? What if he had blurted it out one of those times they had held each other after yet another successful adventure, or whispered it in her ear when they were holding hands and skipping along a street. Or what if he had simply stopped her and pressed his lips against her plump red mouth? What if he had held her and never let her go?

Would he have had all that - _everything_?

And his brilliant brain counted the probabilities: 100%. He remembered her tearful eyes when she had told him she loved him, that only time she ever said it to him. God, he wished he had told her then. He wished he still could. It didn't comfort him to know that in a way he had said it to her - because it was the other Doctor. He himself had stayed a coward till the end. "Rose Tyler, I love you" had never escaped his lips.

He knew what he had to do. He needed to keep on travelling forever, waiting for the time when his last incarnation closed his eyes for the very last time. The thought was alluring, to let that last breath escape his lips, become a part of the energies controlling every living and non-living thing in every world - somewhere in time and matter he and Rose would always be one, their lifelines had crossed and there was an eternity in every second she had spent with him, an eternity in every heartbeat.

Yes, it was definetely for the best to stay alone for now.

* * *

**I feel I'm a bit rusty...hmm. The next chapter is going to be about Rose and the Doctor. I just felt necessary to give an insight to how the real Doctor is feeling :) **

**Please review!**


	7. After tonight

**Thanks a lot for all the reviews, please keep on :) I'll try my best to continue updating as often as I can.**

**The lyrics are from "After Tonight" by Justin Nozuka.**

**Disclaimer: I would love to own both Doctor Who and Justin Nozuka but I don't, unfortunately :(**

_

* * *

_

_**You look up to the sky**_

_**You long for something more, **_

_**Darling give me your right hand**_

_**I think I understand, follow me**_

_**And you will never have to wish again**_

_**-**_

_**I know that after tonight**_

_**You don't have to look up**_

_**At the stars, no, no, no, no**_

_**Way above the clouds**_

_**And high above the stars**_

_**-**_

_**Through the unknown black holes**_

_**No one knows where we are**_

_**But we'll return to earth**_

_**And do it all over again**_

-

_**I know that after tonight**_

_**You don't have to look up**_

_**At the stars**_

_

* * *

_

It had been a very pleasant day. They had left Jackie and Pete's house in the early afternoon and went shopping, circling around Oxford Street until they had found enough clothes for the Doctor. He had been surprisingly picky about what to wear, but Rose was happy to see he was sticking to his old style: earth colours, good cuts, blazers and sneakers ended up inside the multiple bags they were carrying in their arms when they made their way back to Rose's apartment. The Doctor had been entertaining her with stories about his previous shopping spree stop in the 1950's ("The last time in decades when they made anything wearable!" as he put it), but still only ten years ago, in his own time. Apparently the sudden need to shop had been resulted by an unfortunate find from the Tardis's wardrobe: some of the clothes had basically moulded to the hangers during the hundreds of years they had hung there. Rose wasn't sure how this was possible though, as she had never seen any moths, dust or other menaces that could destroy clothing inside the Tardis, but didn't bother to ask. The Doctor explained it without asking, though. Apparently some of his former companions had just returned the clothes used and dirty (often soaked in mud or blood) and put them back in to the wardrobe instead of the laundry basket and that, along with the sometimes too dry, sometimes too humid air of the Tardis caused the clothes to get brittle and mouldy during the decades.

On the way home they had popped by a grocery store and bought ingredients for a meat loaf - the Doctor's request - and had a lot of fun cooking it later on, although it ended up half burned and half raw. This strongly reminded Rose of their failed attempts of cookery in the Tardis, lifetimes ago, as it felt like. Most often that not whatever they had been cooking ended up inedible. This time was no exception, and after frantically searching through her freezer Rose managed to trace a bag half full of frozen shrimps and they settled for a shrimp salad, which tasted fine. She made a mental note to write them down for a cooking class first thing next week; they would most likely starve or end up eating take-away for the rest of their lives (very short lives, as it would probably turn out to be) if at least one of them didn't manage to cook something every once in a while.

After eating they had watched telly for a while (Rose couldn't even remember what it was they had been watching, she was too preoccupied by the Doctor's hands caressing her hair when she was leaning against his shoulder) and watched the last rays of sun settle behind the buildings around them. The atmosphere in the apartment was completely different than ever before; there was something very cozy and almost Tardis-like about it, although Rose suspected she only compared it to the Tardis because that was the place where they had mainly felt cozy and safe together. She had missed the feeling of belonging somewhere and with someone.

Now Rose was soaked in bubbles and deep in her thoughts. Sometimes, during the darkest moments of loneliness she had went down to clubs or bars, randomly looking for men that reminded her a bit of the Doctor: brown haired, skinny men, with an arrogant behaviour. Or sometimes she had just looked for any men - with or without any resemblence to the Doctor. After some heavy drinking and clumsy attempts of small talk it had been more than easy to pull these men all the way to her apartment or follow them into theirs - after an uncomfortable night spent together with these men she either tried to sneak out, piling her clothes in her arms and dressing in the hallway or straightforwardly asked the men to leave her place, without caring about their tired reluctancy. Then she had curled into her sheets, feeling empty and thinking of the Doctor. Now she felt a small stab of jealousy: had the Doctor ever loved other girls like he had loved her? That pretty dark girl he had travelled with, perhaps? Had he ever slept with her? For some reason she couldn't bring herself to believe he had. After all, he had never slept with her either, only accepting embraces and cuddles.

The warm water felt good against her skin and she was getting very drowsy and comfortable listening to the Doctor moving around in her apartment outside the bathroom door. Maybe this weird domestic life with him would be all right, after some getting used to. There was still a lot to do though; certificates and papers to be forged, work to look for, things to decide. She didn't even know his real name, but wasn't even sure if she wanted to ask - what if it was something really usual, like Mark? Or even worse, something unusual and nasty, like Wulfrid? She giggled a bit at the thought. Then again, it was quite unlikely that the people of Gallifrey with their advanced culture and technology would name their children with Earthen names. What if his name was something like X356-13U, like a robot? She couldn't help it - she giggled just a bit out loud.

But people would probably think it a bit strange is she kept calling him "Doctor" in public, it just sounded...well, a bit kinky, to be honest. They better come up with a decent name for him and she would continue calling him Doctor in private only.

It was strange though. For years she had almost worshipped him, always thought of him to be a bit better than she was with his mysterious character and knowledge. And now, in this world, he was just like any bloke - a bloke who would soon go to work from nine to five, be called John or something and worry about things ordinary, not about saving the world. How would he adapt to the situation? She knew he had always thought himself to be above all that. And he was.

Just thinking about the Doctor staying with her for the rest of his life made her feel shaky. It was so much more than she could ever have wished for - whatever doubts she had about him suddenly felt small and feeble in comparison to all the blessings she had received. So what if he was a bit different? Surely she wasn't exactly the same either. She just hoped it wouldn't come between the two of them.

The water was already turning a bit too cool for her taste but she decided to linger in it for a while more. She was a bit nervous about stepping out because she had a feeling something was definetely going to happen tonight: every time she had thought about meeting the Doctor she had fantasized about leading him to her bed the very night, and doing everything with him she had never had the courage to propose doing when she still had the chance. She couldn't help but to slip her hand into the water and between her legs where she immediately found the familiar sensation, the familiar rhythm. She was thinking of the Doctor lying in this same bath earlier tonight, after coming home from shopping. She was thinking of him naked, perhaps doing what she was doing now - anticipating tonight. Surely he knew just as she did, that tonight was going to be _the _night. The night they were going to... she didn't dare finish the thought.

Suddenly she was shaken out of her day dream, hearing the Doctor drop something and cuss under his breath. She quickly withdrew her hand, a bit embarrassed. It was a whole different thing to fantasize about the Doctor when he was in a different universe - but to fantasize about him when he was in the next room, well, that was a whole other thing. She stood up and dried herself into a soft blue towel she took out from a cupboard on the left and started applying make up to her eyes and lips - after all, she wanted to definetely look her best. Then she dried her hair and happy with her looks, slipped into her underwear. She had chosen purple silky knickers and a matching bra with black lace at the brim against her breasts and tummy. She looked at herself critically from the mirror. She was still a bit too skinny, but at least the colour of the underwear made her skin look a bit more healthy and warm. All in all she felt quite good - it's not like the Doctor was her first or anything. In fact, she had had her share of men and not one had ever complained about her looks during sex. That made her feel a bit better, even though she still noticed she was shaking a bit. She applied some blush on her cheeks and decided she was ready. She also covered herself with a black silky dressing gown. Then she stepped out of the bathroom.

It was quite dark in the hallway she was: apparently the Doctor had, for one reason or the other, dimmed the lights. She felt her heart beat like mad in her chest. That meant the Doctor had come to the same decision as she had - that tonight indeed was the night. Well, no backing out now, then. Years of friendship, adventure and longing would end tonight, and there would be no going back. She was adult enough to know that sex changed everything - there was no going back to the innocence and friendliness after crossing that line. She started walking towards the living room in the dark, following the quivering light emerging from a few candles he had lit up. The Doctor was sitting on the sofa almost in the same spot he had sat when they had been enjoying their wine last night: he had cleaned the wine glasses away and lit candles on the table in front of him. For a moment it felt like they were eyeing each other like never before; like they were two strangers in a strange sensual situation. Then the illusion broke, he smiled in a very Doctor-kind of a way and held his hands open, inviting her to come and snuzzle up to him. She did, and he smiled down at her tenderly, letting his fingers trail circles on her back. He was wearing a new blue shirt and dark brown trousers. The candlelight made his skin look soft and fresh, and his smile took her breath away.

She kissed him and was happy to feel him answering keenly. He smelled heavenly, just the way she remembered him smelling: masculine, deep, earthy, electric. Like the Doctor always smelled. His smell didn't change even in his reincarnation, and now Rose got a strange burning sensation in her throat smelling his familiar scent. She suddenly realised that it wasn't just the present Doctor she held, it was also the Doctor who had left in the Tardis with a broken look on his face - it was also the Doctor who gave one of his lives to stop the Bad Wolf burning her inside out. Her familiar sweet leather-jacket Doctor with his funny ears and wits. She wanted them all - she wanted to embrace all those memories and people that she had loved and who had loved her back.

So she let him lead her to the bedroom door, among the candles he had lit on the floor there too. She held him close to her when they embraced in front of the bed, letting her arms circle around him for the last time as just friends. It was almost sad, saying good bye to the past. Then, under the Doctor's gentle brown gaze, she slipped the robe off of her shoulders and let it fall on to the floor.

* * *

**I'm evil leaving it to a cliffhanger...**

**However, I think the Doctor and Rose making love is going to require a whole own chapter. The next chapter will be rated M so don't read if you're not mature enough! **

**Hopefully you'll enjoy! ;-)**


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